I cannot find my penis.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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