So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
