ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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