she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
