Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
