Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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