Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
