I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
