Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
