well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
