omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
