so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
