why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
