By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It's just like the Real World with babies
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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