Christians are straight up FREAKS
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
