Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
