I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
