Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
its liver damage thursday
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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