We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
