i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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