i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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