He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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