i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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