I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize