I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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