If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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