remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
