Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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