life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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