When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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