I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
