i can't believe i had my finger in that
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
