Having a random hookup so left but love u
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
