its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize