all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i drank out of a bidet.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
