yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
