hotel room ftw
I'm going to jail i love you
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
