I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
