Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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