That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
