How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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