Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize