dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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