Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
