My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize