Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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