so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
