i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize