Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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