i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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