sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
