Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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