so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
