I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
