I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you inspire me to be a worse person
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
