His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I need to stop coming to work sober
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So much rum. So many feels.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
