god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
