just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
