drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
