I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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