I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
