Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize