Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
