Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
