we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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