Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
