if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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