I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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