Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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