If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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