Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
