I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
