We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
