I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
