i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
