There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
