so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
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