I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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