why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
