My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
