I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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