My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize