She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
