sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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