I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
