did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
