the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
