I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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