whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
